Today I was doing some thinking about marriage and relationships. It occured to me-and maybe I'm wrong, or maybe it's just the group that I "hang with" that has skewed my perspective-anyway, it occured to me that in our society, when our parents treat us poorly, we tend to say things like "well, that's just the way he/she is, I'm used to it" but if our spouse treats us similarly we jump to divorce. I've never been in that type of situation in my marriage (thank the Lord), but I have been there with my parents. Often I find myself reading about marriage and divorce in the Bible and trying to fit my parental relationship into the directives that God has given for marriage and I'm realizing that that just doesn't work. I could be wrong on this one, but the thing that stares back at me the most is that I took no oath to my parents, but I did take one to my husband...and they tried to come between that on many occasions.
I see the same thing happen to many other people too (what is with these parents?!) and they either defend their parents, or just put up with it because they think they have to.
Then I see people struggling in their marriage relationship because their spouse is unloving or "unfair" and everyone jumps to say "Oh if my husband treated me like that, I'd walk right out the door". And many of them do.
Does anyone else see this? Am I crazy? It just seems so backwards to me to cling to parents who are unloving, unkind, and unfair, but to quickly flee from a husband who is the same. People looked at me like I had 3 eyes when I "divorced" my parents...and our decision was not an easy one. It was one we had been thinking about for almost 4 years...well, it's one I had personally been thinking about since I was a child-I used to daydream that I had been kidnapped and that someday my REAL parents would find me...but as a couple, we'd been considering ending that relationship since our now 5yo was a baby. Is it just uncommon to draw a boundary with family and stick to your bottom line? Divorce IS common, I know that.
I don't know where I'm going with all this...maybe I just need to process it. I certainly didn't articulate how I feel very well here, but I tried.
Anyone else have any thoughts on the matter? I can't wait until my husband gets home and the kids are in bed so I can talk through this. It's like a traffic jam in my brain right now.
And I just wanted to add that I'm not saying anyone whose parents ever mistreated them SHOULD end the relationship. I think it's very individual and you have to decide if continuing a relationship with parents will threaten the sanctity of your family...my relationship with my parents was erroding away at my family, my marriage relationship, and my ability to parent properly. I was recently told to "be Jesus" to my parents...but at what cost?
Showing posts with label Biblical. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Biblical. Show all posts
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Transparent Tuesday
Transparent Tuesday
On Tuesdays I want to make myself transparent and share something that God has been working on my life, whether it be small (like cleaning my Suburban so I'm not humiliated when I open the door at the grocery store and trash falls out) or big, like submitting to my husband on an issue that needed to be addressed for many years. You don't have to share this as many of these matters may be very private, but I encourage you to participate privately if you so choose.
Psalm 51:1-4
1)Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness;
According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.
2)Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity
And cleanse me from my sin.
3)For I know my transgressions,
And my sin is ever before me.
4)Against You, You only, I have sinned
And done what is evil in Your sight,
So that You are justified when You speak
And blameless when You judge.
Brokenhearted.
On Tuesdays I want to make myself transparent and share something that God has been working on my life, whether it be small (like cleaning my Suburban so I'm not humiliated when I open the door at the grocery store and trash falls out) or big, like submitting to my husband on an issue that needed to be addressed for many years. You don't have to share this as many of these matters may be very private, but I encourage you to participate privately if you so choose.
Psalm 51:1-4
1)Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness;
According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.
2)Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity
And cleanse me from my sin.
3)For I know my transgressions,
And my sin is ever before me.
4)Against You, You only, I have sinned
And done what is evil in Your sight,
So that You are justified when You speak
And blameless when You judge.
Brokenhearted.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
And saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18
He heals the brokenhearted
And binds up their wounds.
Psalm 147:3
Today my heart is broken for a few of my friends. They are suffering some big hurts in their lives right now. If you would please just pray for them, I would be so appreciative. I know that anything is possible with God, even if they don't see it right now. Pray for their healing (physical, relational) and for their faith. A few of them may be teetering. And pray for their families. Please and thank you.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Strange Dream
I had a dream last night that I was in a hospital walking around...not sure why, but ok. A nurse asked me to come and sit with an old woman who was going to die soon. She was VERY old, she was all shriveled up and looked like a raisin. She was raspy and barely able to talk and they said she would die within a few hours. They were going to use some of her organs to save a middle aged man's life.
I sat with her in silence for a while, listening as it got harder for her to breath. I felt compelled to ask if she knew Jesus, but I was scared. Scared of what though? Just scared like I always am to ask someone this question. I don't know what to say after, even though I know that the Holy Spirit can speak through me and give me words...I mean how many times has He given me the words to speak when my children ask difficult questions? Have you ever had a time when you're talking about something Biblical that has confused you for a long time, and suddenly it clicks? There can be no explanation for when it happens to me other than God suddenly and fantastically making it clear.
Finally, I asked her if she knew Jesus. She perked up a little and said some of the usual stuff, He was a man, He did great things, but she didn't really know if He was God, it sounded too far fetched. So we talked for a while and she asked hard questions, and I witnessed to her, and she came to know the truth. Suddenly, she was a healthy 2 year old! She looked just like herself, only 78 years younger. Skin clear and pudgy and new, hair soft and blond instead of wiry and white. I carried her around the hospital trying to find a nurse to see this strange thing that happened. They were as confused as I was.
I woke up still completely confused and told my husband my dream. He said "well did you miss the symbolism in your dream? She was born again!" ahhh...now it makes sense! She was a fresh new being. Maybe God is trying to give me courage to take the plunge and just ask someone...I have someone in mind actually, and I know what the answer to the question will be. I know this person is not saved, but I honestly don't know how to pursue the conversation. This person is immersed in some scary stuff right now and the whole family could use prayer. I've felt a strong calling to this person for over a year now, but I've been...afraid I guess. I guess it feels confrontational to me to just ask point blank, and confrontational is NOT a word I'd use to describe myself. I just keep waiting for this person to ask me questions, but maybe that will never happen and I need to be the one to initiate. Any words of wisdom or encouragement? You can comment here, or you can email me at hearmenurture (@) gmail (.) com.
I sat with her in silence for a while, listening as it got harder for her to breath. I felt compelled to ask if she knew Jesus, but I was scared. Scared of what though? Just scared like I always am to ask someone this question. I don't know what to say after, even though I know that the Holy Spirit can speak through me and give me words...I mean how many times has He given me the words to speak when my children ask difficult questions? Have you ever had a time when you're talking about something Biblical that has confused you for a long time, and suddenly it clicks? There can be no explanation for when it happens to me other than God suddenly and fantastically making it clear.
Finally, I asked her if she knew Jesus. She perked up a little and said some of the usual stuff, He was a man, He did great things, but she didn't really know if He was God, it sounded too far fetched. So we talked for a while and she asked hard questions, and I witnessed to her, and she came to know the truth. Suddenly, she was a healthy 2 year old! She looked just like herself, only 78 years younger. Skin clear and pudgy and new, hair soft and blond instead of wiry and white. I carried her around the hospital trying to find a nurse to see this strange thing that happened. They were as confused as I was.
I woke up still completely confused and told my husband my dream. He said "well did you miss the symbolism in your dream? She was born again!" ahhh...now it makes sense! She was a fresh new being. Maybe God is trying to give me courage to take the plunge and just ask someone...I have someone in mind actually, and I know what the answer to the question will be. I know this person is not saved, but I honestly don't know how to pursue the conversation. This person is immersed in some scary stuff right now and the whole family could use prayer. I've felt a strong calling to this person for over a year now, but I've been...afraid I guess. I guess it feels confrontational to me to just ask point blank, and confrontational is NOT a word I'd use to describe myself. I just keep waiting for this person to ask me questions, but maybe that will never happen and I need to be the one to initiate. Any words of wisdom or encouragement? You can comment here, or you can email me at hearmenurture (@) gmail (.) com.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Media Monday
On Mondays, I will be sharing a bit of media-Bible verse, song, television show, movie, cartoon, news article, blog post, anything media-ish that has inspired, convicted, or encouraged me.
Philippians 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
My inspiration for today's Media Monday is this awesome book that we got my husband for his birthday. The Heavens Proclaim His Glory by Lisa Stilwell. My husband is a space lover, and our kids seem to be following in that direction too. They love talking about all things space with him. Yesterday our 7yo asked if we believe in aliens, so we had a discussion about that. My husband told him that God created US in His image with a plan for salvation, but that the Bible doesn't talk about any other self-aware creatures in space. We aren't saying no 100%, but for us we don't see the evidence. He also said that no matter where you stand on aliens, that God made the universe so vast to show how big He is...a point that my 4yo reminded me of this morning in our prayers/Bible time. She WAS listening!
This book has some really stunning pictures of space, and the kids love sitting with Daddy and looking through it. Our 4yo has been sleeping with it lately too (they like to read in bed).
I love this too (just love John MacArthur anyway...my favorite Bible right now is a John MacArthur Study Bible).
Philippians 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
My inspiration for today's Media Monday is this awesome book that we got my husband for his birthday. The Heavens Proclaim His Glory by Lisa Stilwell. My husband is a space lover, and our kids seem to be following in that direction too. They love talking about all things space with him. Yesterday our 7yo asked if we believe in aliens, so we had a discussion about that. My husband told him that God created US in His image with a plan for salvation, but that the Bible doesn't talk about any other self-aware creatures in space. We aren't saying no 100%, but for us we don't see the evidence. He also said that no matter where you stand on aliens, that God made the universe so vast to show how big He is...a point that my 4yo reminded me of this morning in our prayers/Bible time. She WAS listening!
"I can see how it might be possible for a man to look down upon the earth and be an atheist, but I cannot conceive how he could look up into the heavens and say there is no God." Abraham Lincoln
This book has some really stunning pictures of space, and the kids love sitting with Daddy and looking through it. Our 4yo has been sleeping with it lately too (they like to read in bed).
I love this too (just love John MacArthur anyway...my favorite Bible right now is a John MacArthur Study Bible).
Common-sense logic suggests that every watch has a watchmaker.
Every building has a builder. Every structure has an architect.
Every arrangement has a plan. Every plan has a designer.
And every design has a purpose.
We see the universe, infinitely more complex than any watch and infinitely greater than any man-made structure, and it is natural to conclude that Someone infinitely powerful and infinitely intelligent made it.
"For since the creation of the world
His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature,
have been clearly seen, being understood
through what has been made" (Romans 1:20)
Every building has a builder. Every structure has an architect.
Every arrangement has a plan. Every plan has a designer.
And every design has a purpose.
We see the universe, infinitely more complex than any watch and infinitely greater than any man-made structure, and it is natural to conclude that Someone infinitely powerful and infinitely intelligent made it.
"For since the creation of the world
His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature,
have been clearly seen, being understood
through what has been made" (Romans 1:20)
~John MacArthur, Battle for the Beginning
If you've got any space lovers in your family, check this book out! It's fabulous.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Sweet Heaven Babies
My friend at Joy Filled Living is having a blog link-up on miscarriage this week. Go and check it out!
Before I got pregnant with my first child, I was scared to death that I may never actually have children of my own-something I'd wanted my whole life. I was born with hip displasia and my mother told me I had at least two dozen x-rays on my pelvic as a baby and that she figured my eggs were radiated. When I did become pregnant (unexpectedly and out of wed-lock with my soon-to-be-husband) I was ecstatic...literally jumping up and down and screaming with joy. We were not planning on having kids for a few years...technically. I WANTED them right away, but the plan was to wait. My poor sweet fiance was initially much less excited than I was, but he came around in a few days. I hadn't ever really given much thought to miscarriage. I believe that a few years before one of my cousins had suffered one, but it was all very hush-hush, and then a coworker suffered one not long before I got pregnant. It was in the back of mind all the time though, especially with another coworker telling myself and a fellow preggo that if we were overworked or stressed out that our babies could just die *snaps finger* like that. Thank the Lord we made it through the pregnancy just fine and came home with a beautiful, healthy baby boy.
My next pregnancy was completely different. I found out I was pregnant the next time a few days before my period was due and had about a week of elation, then it was all over. Crushed would be a great way to sum up how I felt. And alone. My husband just couldn't mentally or emotionally deal with it between the "wow" of it happening and his schedule (full-time student and full-time working). My son was about 17mo at the time and I had so desperately wanted my kids to be right about 2y apart. With that loss, I knew my hopes were gone for that. I recovered as best as I could emotionally. Physically I felt fine.
A few months later I became pregnant again. I thought surely I would carry to term this time...not many people have two miscarriages in a row right? But when the tests got lighter instead of darker, I knew it was doomed. And a few days later the baby was gone. My husband was more available to me this time and a great support. He fielded questions at church like "when are you going to give your little guy a brother or sister?" with answers like "we're doing our part, just waiting for God's time".
Again a few months later I became pregnant. I made my husband a cake with a Bible verse on it about how children are a blessing from the Lord and had it ready when he got home from school late one night. He didn't understand at first what I meant, but when he figured it out he was so excited! And again, just like before, we had a few days of joy followed by immense sadness. This time, we talked about it. I talked with a friend at church who lost twins, and with another woman who prayed for us. It felt so good to share my suffering with someone who would listen and pray for me. Even still, I felt very sad and bitter. I gave away all of our baby stuff except for a few precious outfits, convinced that my body was indeed broken like my mother had told me. I did find solace in Chris Tomlin's "Not To Us"
When he sings "Your children are dancing, dancing, dancing, yeah! It's all for You!" I immediately "saw" my little ones in Heaven, safe and happy, dancing for their Savior and mine. I realized that they were safe, taken care of, and their life was a purpose that I couldn't understand. But Jesus knows. And I'm honored to be the Mommy of members of a precious army in Heaven.
A few months later again...in total 11 months after the first miscarriage, I became pregnant again. I am a sucker for excitement and just latched on emtotionally and mentally right away. I tried to convince my husband, but he wasn't going to allow himself to become attached until we'd made it through the first few weeks. Everyday until we passed our latest miscarriage date was stress and anxiety filled...but we did. We went for an ultrasound at almost 7w and saw a teeny little baby in there with a beautifully functioning heartbeat. The pregnancy continued and we were greated with a beautiful, STUBBORN and strong-willed little girl.
When our daughter was 1 1/2yo, I became pregnant again. We lost this baby too in the first week of knowing again, but it was very different for me emotionally this time. I thought back to the song and to the knowledge that my babies were safe and blessed to be with Jesus. I surrended myself to Him at that time and decided that if I became pregnant a thousand times but never birthed another live baby, that I would be ok doing His will. Because these babies aren't wastes of time, and they are VERY important to Him. Why would He give us Mommies an immediate emotional tie to them? Why would He have us love them so deeply even though He gave us such a short time to grow them in our bodies? They're special and we'll never forget them, and He'll never forget them...and the party that will maybe thrown when we meet them in Heaven...can you just imagine? Our homecoming and reunion with Jesus and our sweet babies? Fantastic! Can you imagine your babies teaching you about Heaven? I can.
I became pregnant with our 2yo after that miscarriage and I was so surprised that he "stuck", I thought for certain that I would lose a few more babies before getting to keep one. He is as stubborn and strong-willed as his big sister too.
I became pregnant with our youngest baby without having a miscarriage before...I was certain my "lot" was to lose a baby before having another, but God is full of surprises. I know now that if I do lose another baby, that I will be sad, but I will also be so happy for that little one to have skipped the tradgedies of this world and been given entrance into the Kingdom of Heaven right away.
I can't imagine going through miscarriages without knowing WHERE my babies are and WHO they are with. I am so comforted by "Not To Us" and being able to visualize my sweet missed blessings in Heaven. And I can only hope to provide another Momma comfort if she needs it.
Please share if you'd like and link up to my friend's blog. :)
Before I got pregnant with my first child, I was scared to death that I may never actually have children of my own-something I'd wanted my whole life. I was born with hip displasia and my mother told me I had at least two dozen x-rays on my pelvic as a baby and that she figured my eggs were radiated. When I did become pregnant (unexpectedly and out of wed-lock with my soon-to-be-husband) I was ecstatic...literally jumping up and down and screaming with joy. We were not planning on having kids for a few years...technically. I WANTED them right away, but the plan was to wait. My poor sweet fiance was initially much less excited than I was, but he came around in a few days. I hadn't ever really given much thought to miscarriage. I believe that a few years before one of my cousins had suffered one, but it was all very hush-hush, and then a coworker suffered one not long before I got pregnant. It was in the back of mind all the time though, especially with another coworker telling myself and a fellow preggo that if we were overworked or stressed out that our babies could just die *snaps finger* like that. Thank the Lord we made it through the pregnancy just fine and came home with a beautiful, healthy baby boy.
My next pregnancy was completely different. I found out I was pregnant the next time a few days before my period was due and had about a week of elation, then it was all over. Crushed would be a great way to sum up how I felt. And alone. My husband just couldn't mentally or emotionally deal with it between the "wow" of it happening and his schedule (full-time student and full-time working). My son was about 17mo at the time and I had so desperately wanted my kids to be right about 2y apart. With that loss, I knew my hopes were gone for that. I recovered as best as I could emotionally. Physically I felt fine.
A few months later I became pregnant again. I thought surely I would carry to term this time...not many people have two miscarriages in a row right? But when the tests got lighter instead of darker, I knew it was doomed. And a few days later the baby was gone. My husband was more available to me this time and a great support. He fielded questions at church like "when are you going to give your little guy a brother or sister?" with answers like "we're doing our part, just waiting for God's time".
Again a few months later I became pregnant. I made my husband a cake with a Bible verse on it about how children are a blessing from the Lord and had it ready when he got home from school late one night. He didn't understand at first what I meant, but when he figured it out he was so excited! And again, just like before, we had a few days of joy followed by immense sadness. This time, we talked about it. I talked with a friend at church who lost twins, and with another woman who prayed for us. It felt so good to share my suffering with someone who would listen and pray for me. Even still, I felt very sad and bitter. I gave away all of our baby stuff except for a few precious outfits, convinced that my body was indeed broken like my mother had told me. I did find solace in Chris Tomlin's "Not To Us"
When he sings "Your children are dancing, dancing, dancing, yeah! It's all for You!" I immediately "saw" my little ones in Heaven, safe and happy, dancing for their Savior and mine. I realized that they were safe, taken care of, and their life was a purpose that I couldn't understand. But Jesus knows. And I'm honored to be the Mommy of members of a precious army in Heaven.
A few months later again...in total 11 months after the first miscarriage, I became pregnant again. I am a sucker for excitement and just latched on emtotionally and mentally right away. I tried to convince my husband, but he wasn't going to allow himself to become attached until we'd made it through the first few weeks. Everyday until we passed our latest miscarriage date was stress and anxiety filled...but we did. We went for an ultrasound at almost 7w and saw a teeny little baby in there with a beautifully functioning heartbeat. The pregnancy continued and we were greated with a beautiful, STUBBORN and strong-willed little girl.
When our daughter was 1 1/2yo, I became pregnant again. We lost this baby too in the first week of knowing again, but it was very different for me emotionally this time. I thought back to the song and to the knowledge that my babies were safe and blessed to be with Jesus. I surrended myself to Him at that time and decided that if I became pregnant a thousand times but never birthed another live baby, that I would be ok doing His will. Because these babies aren't wastes of time, and they are VERY important to Him. Why would He give us Mommies an immediate emotional tie to them? Why would He have us love them so deeply even though He gave us such a short time to grow them in our bodies? They're special and we'll never forget them, and He'll never forget them...and the party that will maybe thrown when we meet them in Heaven...can you just imagine? Our homecoming and reunion with Jesus and our sweet babies? Fantastic! Can you imagine your babies teaching you about Heaven? I can.
I became pregnant with our 2yo after that miscarriage and I was so surprised that he "stuck", I thought for certain that I would lose a few more babies before getting to keep one. He is as stubborn and strong-willed as his big sister too.
I became pregnant with our youngest baby without having a miscarriage before...I was certain my "lot" was to lose a baby before having another, but God is full of surprises. I know now that if I do lose another baby, that I will be sad, but I will also be so happy for that little one to have skipped the tradgedies of this world and been given entrance into the Kingdom of Heaven right away.
I can't imagine going through miscarriages without knowing WHERE my babies are and WHO they are with. I am so comforted by "Not To Us" and being able to visualize my sweet missed blessings in Heaven. And I can only hope to provide another Momma comfort if she needs it.
Please share if you'd like and link up to my friend's blog. :)
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Late Monday/Tuesday post
Media Monday
On Mondays, I will be sharing a bit of media-Bible verse, song, television show, movie, cartoon, news article, blog post, anything media-ish that has inspired, convicted, or encouraged me.
Philippians 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
Transparent Tuesday
On Tuesdays I want to make myself transparent and share something that God has been working on my life, whether it be small (like cleaning my Suburban so I'm not humiliated when I open the door at the grocery store and trash falls out) or big, like submitting to my husband on an issue that needed to be addressed for many years. You don't have to share this as many of these matters may be very private, but I encourage you to participate privately if you so choose.
Psalm 51:1-4
1)Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness;
According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.
2)Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity
And cleanse me from my sin.
3)For I know my transgressions,
And my sin is ever before me.
4)Against You, You only, I have sinned
And done what is evil in Your sight,
So that You are justified when You speak
And blameless when You judge.
Gosh I am terrible, forgive me for not getting this done yesterday! My 6mo is teething and has gone from a VERY easy going baby to a very a clingy/cry-y baby...and my 2yo is having a rough week too! He's freshly nursed and she's asleep right now, so let's see if I can get my thoughts out.
I was reading some testimonies on Above Rubies while trying to gain some knowledge on the subject of submission. Check those out, they are so wonderful to read and very convicting. "Please Yourself, You Usually Do" had a huge impact on me. It was two fold...both in my submission to my husband, but also in my leadership over my children. Just like her, I thought I had been doing a great job submitting...let me just pat myself on the back here...but in reality, I was only submitting on the easy things. Things that weren't really a challenge to me anymore. Things that I've been willingly submitting on for years now. But there are some areas in my life that I've been letting excuses rule for far too long. Laundry comes to mind. I'm ashamed to say it, but if you just showed up at my door any given day of the week, you would see a love seat piled HIGH with clean clothes that I haven't put away. Being completely honest here, sometimes I go 2-3 WEEKS...yes weeks, not days, without putting them away. I blame it on busy-ness with 4 kids, a lack of interest in laundry, tiredness, you name it. It's just "not my fault", know what I mean? But my husband is a neat and orderly guy and I know it just drives him absolutely bonkers to look at it all.the.time. The other day he asked me to put them on the floor in the bedroom so he didn't have to look at them all the time anymore. Wow. I've just failed so big right here! So my mission right now is to submit to him in this area and do what he'd really love to see, and get those clean clothes put away in a timely fashion so our living room looks better and we can actually use that love seat.
Now for my secondary thoughts on this testimony...she said she had so robbed her husband of his place of leadership that he was reluctant and slow to take it back up when she'd submitted to him again...I feel like this is exactly what has happened with my children and I. They're just kids and kids just push boundaries and try to negotiate their way out of things...and I've really let them take over a lot of times. I just get so tired of fighting with them and standing firm that it's EASIER to just let them do whatever it is as long as no one gets hurt. But in reading the above testimony, I realized that I am not doing them one bit of good by letting them take over. I'm actually harming them. Now I'm not talking going "Nazi" on them and taking away every freedom or choice. No, I'm just talking about making my "No" a real NO and sticking to it. I've been trying diligently since I read that to impliment this...and I tell you I've already seen a difference! My 4yo especially loves to ask as she's already doing something, and when I say "no", she just continues until she's finished. And just like the woman's husband would say "Please yourself, you usually do" I'd find myself saying "why should I even bother saying no, you'll do it anyway". And boy is that wrong! I'll be honest and say that this week she's not been very fond of the new Mom who stands behind her no, but I know it will only benefit us and in time she'll find security in it. We're going to work on not doing something until asking also so that I can get a chance to actually decide if it's something I'm ok with her doing. I am hoping that this will ease my frustration too when things build up. It's really hard to maintain my cool when I'm being constantly hounded and walked on. But I'm ready to take back my position of leadership and do so graciously but firmly.
Did anyone catch "19 Kids and Counting" last week when Michelle took Josie for her big appointment? Jessa was putting Johannah down for a nap and Johannah kept getting up to plead her case (boy...when we watch Johannah she just reminds us SO much of our 4yo!). Jessa was amazing! So calm and collected and firm in her no. It was really encouraging to see. That's how I want to be.
On Mondays, I will be sharing a bit of media-Bible verse, song, television show, movie, cartoon, news article, blog post, anything media-ish that has inspired, convicted, or encouraged me.
Philippians 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
Transparent Tuesday
On Tuesdays I want to make myself transparent and share something that God has been working on my life, whether it be small (like cleaning my Suburban so I'm not humiliated when I open the door at the grocery store and trash falls out) or big, like submitting to my husband on an issue that needed to be addressed for many years. You don't have to share this as many of these matters may be very private, but I encourage you to participate privately if you so choose.
Psalm 51:1-4
1)Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness;
According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.
2)Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity
And cleanse me from my sin.
3)For I know my transgressions,
And my sin is ever before me.
4)Against You, You only, I have sinned
And done what is evil in Your sight,
So that You are justified when You speak
And blameless when You judge.
Gosh I am terrible, forgive me for not getting this done yesterday! My 6mo is teething and has gone from a VERY easy going baby to a very a clingy/cry-y baby...and my 2yo is having a rough week too! He's freshly nursed and she's asleep right now, so let's see if I can get my thoughts out.
I was reading some testimonies on Above Rubies while trying to gain some knowledge on the subject of submission. Check those out, they are so wonderful to read and very convicting. "Please Yourself, You Usually Do" had a huge impact on me. It was two fold...both in my submission to my husband, but also in my leadership over my children. Just like her, I thought I had been doing a great job submitting...let me just pat myself on the back here...but in reality, I was only submitting on the easy things. Things that weren't really a challenge to me anymore. Things that I've been willingly submitting on for years now. But there are some areas in my life that I've been letting excuses rule for far too long. Laundry comes to mind. I'm ashamed to say it, but if you just showed up at my door any given day of the week, you would see a love seat piled HIGH with clean clothes that I haven't put away. Being completely honest here, sometimes I go 2-3 WEEKS...yes weeks, not days, without putting them away. I blame it on busy-ness with 4 kids, a lack of interest in laundry, tiredness, you name it. It's just "not my fault", know what I mean? But my husband is a neat and orderly guy and I know it just drives him absolutely bonkers to look at it all.the.time. The other day he asked me to put them on the floor in the bedroom so he didn't have to look at them all the time anymore. Wow. I've just failed so big right here! So my mission right now is to submit to him in this area and do what he'd really love to see, and get those clean clothes put away in a timely fashion so our living room looks better and we can actually use that love seat.
Now for my secondary thoughts on this testimony...she said she had so robbed her husband of his place of leadership that he was reluctant and slow to take it back up when she'd submitted to him again...I feel like this is exactly what has happened with my children and I. They're just kids and kids just push boundaries and try to negotiate their way out of things...and I've really let them take over a lot of times. I just get so tired of fighting with them and standing firm that it's EASIER to just let them do whatever it is as long as no one gets hurt. But in reading the above testimony, I realized that I am not doing them one bit of good by letting them take over. I'm actually harming them. Now I'm not talking going "Nazi" on them and taking away every freedom or choice. No, I'm just talking about making my "No" a real NO and sticking to it. I've been trying diligently since I read that to impliment this...and I tell you I've already seen a difference! My 4yo especially loves to ask as she's already doing something, and when I say "no", she just continues until she's finished. And just like the woman's husband would say "Please yourself, you usually do" I'd find myself saying "why should I even bother saying no, you'll do it anyway". And boy is that wrong! I'll be honest and say that this week she's not been very fond of the new Mom who stands behind her no, but I know it will only benefit us and in time she'll find security in it. We're going to work on not doing something until asking also so that I can get a chance to actually decide if it's something I'm ok with her doing. I am hoping that this will ease my frustration too when things build up. It's really hard to maintain my cool when I'm being constantly hounded and walked on. But I'm ready to take back my position of leadership and do so graciously but firmly.
Did anyone catch "19 Kids and Counting" last week when Michelle took Josie for her big appointment? Jessa was putting Johannah down for a nap and Johannah kept getting up to plead her case (boy...when we watch Johannah she just reminds us SO much of our 4yo!). Jessa was amazing! So calm and collected and firm in her no. It was really encouraging to see. That's how I want to be.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Media Monday
On Mondays, I will be sharing a bit of media-Bible verse, song, television show, movie, cartoon, news article, blog post, anything media-ish that has inspired, convicted, or encouraged me.
Philippians 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
Monday 7/11/11
I love this song by Joy Williams, Hide.
Lyrics
I first heard this song when I was new to Christianity. I knew that I was forgiven, but I didn't really know what all that meant, and I didn't really understand that Jesus wanted to meet me right where I was, warts and all. I saw these people at church who seemed all put together and figured out. They'd been Christians for a long time, many of them since childhood, and I felt like I couldn't be "holy" like them. We'd just gotten married AFTER getting pregnant, I'd spent many years as an outspoken athiest...I didn't feel like I would ever be good enough. I knew that Jesus would forgive me, but it just didn't connect fully. This song helped me.
"And if you feel like no one understands
Come to the One with scars on His hands
'Cause He knows where you are, where you've been
His scars will heal you if you let Him."
Just wow. Obviously I'm not saying trust everything you hear in a song, but use it as a launch-point for diving into your Bible and finding the truth.
Hebrews 10:22
Let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.
So come with me, if you're scared or unsure. Crack open that Bible and look for some love verses.
Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Wow, it's hard to believe that someone would die for me, ME, while I hated Him. And He died for you too, whether you've loved him since your earliest memories, or if you aren't sure right now. He loves YOU.
I John 4:19
We love, because He first loved us.
John 3
16)For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. 17)For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him. 18)He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.
"He who believes in Him is not judged"...again, just wow! I get this "free" pass. All because Jesus loves ME. No more hiding, no more wondering if I'm good enough. No more thinking others deserve it more than me or that others are better than me. Jesus picked them, but He picked me too! And He wants you too. He wants to share His never-ending, knowledge-surpassing, all-encompassing, hurt-healing love with you.
Monday Blog Link-Up at Joy Filled Living
Philippians 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
Monday 7/11/11
I love this song by Joy Williams, Hide.
Lyrics
I first heard this song when I was new to Christianity. I knew that I was forgiven, but I didn't really know what all that meant, and I didn't really understand that Jesus wanted to meet me right where I was, warts and all. I saw these people at church who seemed all put together and figured out. They'd been Christians for a long time, many of them since childhood, and I felt like I couldn't be "holy" like them. We'd just gotten married AFTER getting pregnant, I'd spent many years as an outspoken athiest...I didn't feel like I would ever be good enough. I knew that Jesus would forgive me, but it just didn't connect fully. This song helped me.
"And if you feel like no one understands
Come to the One with scars on His hands
'Cause He knows where you are, where you've been
His scars will heal you if you let Him."
Just wow. Obviously I'm not saying trust everything you hear in a song, but use it as a launch-point for diving into your Bible and finding the truth.
Hebrews 10:22
Let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.
So come with me, if you're scared or unsure. Crack open that Bible and look for some love verses.
Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Wow, it's hard to believe that someone would die for me, ME, while I hated Him. And He died for you too, whether you've loved him since your earliest memories, or if you aren't sure right now. He loves YOU.
I John 4:19
We love, because He first loved us.
John 3
16)For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. 17)For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him. 18)He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.
"He who believes in Him is not judged"...again, just wow! I get this "free" pass. All because Jesus loves ME. No more hiding, no more wondering if I'm good enough. No more thinking others deserve it more than me or that others are better than me. Jesus picked them, but He picked me too! And He wants you too. He wants to share His never-ending, knowledge-surpassing, all-encompassing, hurt-healing love with you.
Monday Blog Link-Up at Joy Filled Living
Sunday, July 10, 2011
10 Thanks July
10 Thanks
On the 10th of each month, I plan on sharing 10 things I'm thankful for. Big or little, new or old.
Psalm 28:7
The Lord is my strength and my shield;
My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped;
Therefore my heart exults,
And with my song I shall thank Him.
For some reason Simply-Linked isn't working for me right now, so leave your blog link in the comments please. :)
July
1) I am thankful for the servant's heart that my 4yo daughter is growing. this morning she told me that if I wanted to sleep in next weekend that she would get up with her 2yo brother and watch him.
2) I am thankful for my A-MAZ-ING husband. God has blessed me more than I could ever have imagined with just my husband. Wow. He's incredible...possibly one of his most useful talents is his ability to talk me down from crazy (which I will talk more about on Transparent Tuesday ). He's so wise and so rational.
3) I am thankful for the opportunity to be a mother. I was told by my own mother that my chances to be a mother might be lessened from dozens of pelvic x-rays as a child. I don't know if it's true or not, but it sure did worry me.
4) I am thankful for chocolate and coffee. Silly I know, but it's a way to connect with my husband, he loves them both. I love just sitting with him and eating some chocolate-something and drinking our coffee together.
5) I am thankful for some truly awesome friends. I'm not the best at being a friend. I'm a complete and total introvert, but when we get together, it doesn't seem to matter and we can talk all day.
6) I am thankful for the area I live in. For the first time in my life, I feel like I am home. It's just a great place to live, safe, big enough, but plenty of country in and around the city too.
7) I am thankful for the internet. I can remember life without it (we didn't have internet until I was maybe 14 or 15) but I can't imagine life without the opportunities it gives me to learn now, especially as a mother and I need to be able to quickly research something.
8) I am thankful for pencils. I hate writing in pen. I NEED to be able to erase things. I'm also thankful that I'm not still in english class in 10th and 11th grade when my teachers required me to write in pen. Oh the nights spent up late re-writing an assignment because I made a mistake at the bottom of the back of a page and couldn't stand the site of the "X" through it.
9) I am thankful for my Bible. It's a MacArthur Study Bible (NASB). I've learned a ton from it. I also have a Life Application Study Bible (NIV) and a Women of Faith Bible (NLT) that I loved too.
10) I am thankful for my Jesus, who loves me no matter how awful I am, or self-loathing, or prideful. I love Him because He first loved me and I am thankful that I get to spend ALL eternity in His gracious care.
On the 10th of each month, I plan on sharing 10 things I'm thankful for. Big or little, new or old.
Psalm 28:7
The Lord is my strength and my shield;
My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped;
Therefore my heart exults,
And with my song I shall thank Him.
For some reason Simply-Linked isn't working for me right now, so leave your blog link in the comments please. :)
July
1) I am thankful for the servant's heart that my 4yo daughter is growing. this morning she told me that if I wanted to sleep in next weekend that she would get up with her 2yo brother and watch him.
2) I am thankful for my A-MAZ-ING husband. God has blessed me more than I could ever have imagined with just my husband. Wow. He's incredible...possibly one of his most useful talents is his ability to talk me down from crazy (which I will talk more about on Transparent Tuesday ). He's so wise and so rational.
3) I am thankful for the opportunity to be a mother. I was told by my own mother that my chances to be a mother might be lessened from dozens of pelvic x-rays as a child. I don't know if it's true or not, but it sure did worry me.
4) I am thankful for chocolate and coffee. Silly I know, but it's a way to connect with my husband, he loves them both. I love just sitting with him and eating some chocolate-something and drinking our coffee together.
5) I am thankful for some truly awesome friends. I'm not the best at being a friend. I'm a complete and total introvert, but when we get together, it doesn't seem to matter and we can talk all day.
6) I am thankful for the area I live in. For the first time in my life, I feel like I am home. It's just a great place to live, safe, big enough, but plenty of country in and around the city too.
7) I am thankful for the internet. I can remember life without it (we didn't have internet until I was maybe 14 or 15) but I can't imagine life without the opportunities it gives me to learn now, especially as a mother and I need to be able to quickly research something.
8) I am thankful for pencils. I hate writing in pen. I NEED to be able to erase things. I'm also thankful that I'm not still in english class in 10th and 11th grade when my teachers required me to write in pen. Oh the nights spent up late re-writing an assignment because I made a mistake at the bottom of the back of a page and couldn't stand the site of the "X" through it.
9) I am thankful for my Bible. It's a MacArthur Study Bible (NASB). I've learned a ton from it. I also have a Life Application Study Bible (NIV) and a Women of Faith Bible (NLT) that I loved too.
10) I am thankful for my Jesus, who loves me no matter how awful I am, or self-loathing, or prideful. I love Him because He first loved me and I am thankful that I get to spend ALL eternity in His gracious care.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Transparent Tuesday
Transparent Tuesday
On Tuesdays I want to make myself transparent and share something that God has been working on my life, whether it be small (like cleaning my Suburban so I'm not humiliated when I open the door at the grocery store and trash falls out) or big, like submitting to my husband on an issue that needed to be addressed for many years. You don't have to share this as many of these matters may be very private, but I encourage you to participate privately if you so choose.
Psalm 51:1-4
1)Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness;
According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.
2)Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity
And cleanse me from my sin.
3)For I know my transgressions,
And my sin is ever before me.
4)Against You, You only, I have sinned
And done what is evil in Your sight,
So that You are justified when You speak
And blameless when You judge.
So this is probably going to be a HUGE shock to some people that know me, but I think if we are blessed with another baby, we are going to seek a midwife to assist the birth. I've had one hospital birth (hated it, just felt like I was treated like a child and there was Z.E.R.O. support for my desire to go natural, not to mention they knowingly risked mine and my baby's health and safety for the sake of "timely" delivery) and three unassisted births. I loved my 3 u/c's, especially the first one. Minus my mother's presence for the last 20 minutes of it, it was picture perfect. My husband was serene (on the outside) and so supportive, even when I went bonkers and told him I wanted an epidural right before the baby came. Our second u/c was harder (3 days of labor, and a hard transition period thanks to a posterior baby with hands in his face) and I freaked out and cried and told him that I wanted a c-section because the baby was never coming. It really took a toll on my husband and I didn't want to face that. It was scary for him to see me like that and to have to decide if I was asking for a c-section because I thought something was wrong or if I was just labor-crazy. Looking back now, I can only imagine how much stress he was feeling. For our third u/c, I thought the solution to stressing my husband out would be for me to labor alone. My water broke (trickled all day really, no big gushes) first thing in the morning and I kind of laid around all day, not wanting to cause painful contractions if the baby wasn't ready to come out. That night, we went to bed around 11 and he decided to sleep on the couch, thinking that both of us would sleep better that way. Around 1:30/2 in the morning I got up and told him it was starting and that if he'd help me get my labor area set up that I'd wake him up when I needed him. Around 5:00 I started to have to really work through the contractions, and my 4yo was awake with me. About 5:30 my 2yo woke up and I decided that it was time to get Daddy up. I told him I was going to take a shower (hate baths) because it was really painful but I was only 5-6cm and I thought it was going to be a while. I tried to put on a brave face in front of him and to keep the noise down, but I was really struggling. I kept begging God to let me be done with the whole thing. Instead of relaxing between contractions I would tense up because it just meant another one was coming and I felt like they weren't going anywhere. I definitely could have used his presence, but I didn't want to scare him. Eventually I decided to test push and called him when I found that was making progress. He caught our sweet baby girl, but I knew that the whole situation really wore on him again.
We were talking recently about what the future holds for our family. I'd love to have as many more as God will allow, in His time (we don't prevent or encourage conception-we felt a very strong calling not to "try to conceive" back when we were miscarrying left and right before God gave us our 4yo), but I know that the thought really stresses out my husband. He confided in me more bluntly than usual (he really has been sweet about it, but I needed it spelled out for me) that a part of his hesitation is the giving birth part. It's scary, and so stressful for him to be THE responsible person if something goes wrong. And now I see it, FINALLY. I see what I've asked of my husband all these years, and it really wasn't fair. It's not that we both don't have faith in the Lord for our health and safety, and we know without a doubt that our decision to u/c has been right so far, but now, it's time to bring someone else in because it's not all about ME. It's about US, and if one of us is uneasy, then it's not right for the other one to force it. And I'm sorry.
Part of my reason for really liking u/c was my childhood abuse by my mother. I grew up basically unable to trust women older than me because I couldn't trust my mother not to wound me deeply. But maybe this is part of my growth and recovery now. I will HAVE to open up to another woman now and put some trust in her. I will have to be vulnerable to her. The neat thing is that I get to interview and pick someone who I think will fit me. Obviously I won't pick someone that will try to control me or reminds me of my mother. There are other types of women out there and I am sure that God has an amazing experience planned for me. For us. And for the first time in a long time maybe my husband will be able to relax and enjoy being a Daddy and husband during/after labor instead of worrying if something is wrong and if he'll be able to diagnose and act quickly enough. Poor guy.
So I'm hanging up my unassited birth hat. I don't feel like I'm being forced into anything, and I don't have the "but it's my body" attitude. It's a subtle submission. He probably never would have asked me to have a midwife, but I'm so glad that it's finally clear to me how much he'd like to have someone here. And I'm happy to submit on this one.
On Tuesdays I want to make myself transparent and share something that God has been working on my life, whether it be small (like cleaning my Suburban so I'm not humiliated when I open the door at the grocery store and trash falls out) or big, like submitting to my husband on an issue that needed to be addressed for many years. You don't have to share this as many of these matters may be very private, but I encourage you to participate privately if you so choose.
Psalm 51:1-4
1)Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness;
According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.
2)Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity
And cleanse me from my sin.
3)For I know my transgressions,
And my sin is ever before me.
4)Against You, You only, I have sinned
And done what is evil in Your sight,
So that You are justified when You speak
And blameless when You judge.
So this is probably going to be a HUGE shock to some people that know me, but I think if we are blessed with another baby, we are going to seek a midwife to assist the birth. I've had one hospital birth (hated it, just felt like I was treated like a child and there was Z.E.R.O. support for my desire to go natural, not to mention they knowingly risked mine and my baby's health and safety for the sake of "timely" delivery) and three unassisted births. I loved my 3 u/c's, especially the first one. Minus my mother's presence for the last 20 minutes of it, it was picture perfect. My husband was serene (on the outside) and so supportive, even when I went bonkers and told him I wanted an epidural right before the baby came. Our second u/c was harder (3 days of labor, and a hard transition period thanks to a posterior baby with hands in his face) and I freaked out and cried and told him that I wanted a c-section because the baby was never coming. It really took a toll on my husband and I didn't want to face that. It was scary for him to see me like that and to have to decide if I was asking for a c-section because I thought something was wrong or if I was just labor-crazy. Looking back now, I can only imagine how much stress he was feeling. For our third u/c, I thought the solution to stressing my husband out would be for me to labor alone. My water broke (trickled all day really, no big gushes) first thing in the morning and I kind of laid around all day, not wanting to cause painful contractions if the baby wasn't ready to come out. That night, we went to bed around 11 and he decided to sleep on the couch, thinking that both of us would sleep better that way. Around 1:30/2 in the morning I got up and told him it was starting and that if he'd help me get my labor area set up that I'd wake him up when I needed him. Around 5:00 I started to have to really work through the contractions, and my 4yo was awake with me. About 5:30 my 2yo woke up and I decided that it was time to get Daddy up. I told him I was going to take a shower (hate baths) because it was really painful but I was only 5-6cm and I thought it was going to be a while. I tried to put on a brave face in front of him and to keep the noise down, but I was really struggling. I kept begging God to let me be done with the whole thing. Instead of relaxing between contractions I would tense up because it just meant another one was coming and I felt like they weren't going anywhere. I definitely could have used his presence, but I didn't want to scare him. Eventually I decided to test push and called him when I found that was making progress. He caught our sweet baby girl, but I knew that the whole situation really wore on him again.
We were talking recently about what the future holds for our family. I'd love to have as many more as God will allow, in His time (we don't prevent or encourage conception-we felt a very strong calling not to "try to conceive" back when we were miscarrying left and right before God gave us our 4yo), but I know that the thought really stresses out my husband. He confided in me more bluntly than usual (he really has been sweet about it, but I needed it spelled out for me) that a part of his hesitation is the giving birth part. It's scary, and so stressful for him to be THE responsible person if something goes wrong. And now I see it, FINALLY. I see what I've asked of my husband all these years, and it really wasn't fair. It's not that we both don't have faith in the Lord for our health and safety, and we know without a doubt that our decision to u/c has been right so far, but now, it's time to bring someone else in because it's not all about ME. It's about US, and if one of us is uneasy, then it's not right for the other one to force it. And I'm sorry.
Part of my reason for really liking u/c was my childhood abuse by my mother. I grew up basically unable to trust women older than me because I couldn't trust my mother not to wound me deeply. But maybe this is part of my growth and recovery now. I will HAVE to open up to another woman now and put some trust in her. I will have to be vulnerable to her. The neat thing is that I get to interview and pick someone who I think will fit me. Obviously I won't pick someone that will try to control me or reminds me of my mother. There are other types of women out there and I am sure that God has an amazing experience planned for me. For us. And for the first time in a long time maybe my husband will be able to relax and enjoy being a Daddy and husband during/after labor instead of worrying if something is wrong and if he'll be able to diagnose and act quickly enough. Poor guy.
So I'm hanging up my unassited birth hat. I don't feel like I'm being forced into anything, and I don't have the "but it's my body" attitude. It's a subtle submission. He probably never would have asked me to have a midwife, but I'm so glad that it's finally clear to me how much he'd like to have someone here. And I'm happy to submit on this one.
Friday, July 1, 2011
What a week!
"Phew!" as my 2yo would say. The big kids had VBS (Vacation Bible School) this week. They had a ton of fun, but my goodness, I didn't realize how much work there was involved in getting 5 people out the door by 8:30 in the morning everyday! And I wasn't even volunteering this time (next year when my 2yo is 3yo and in the 3yo class...maybe). I have to give kudos to those out there that do this every week during the school year, I just can't imagine. We still start our homeschooling day at 9, but if all I have the energy/time for is pajamas and fuzzy hair, pajamas and fuzzy hair it is. I had so much I wanted to do this week-like get my blog all spiffed up-and I just had no energy to do it after running all morning. Not to mention that it was just nice to sit and chill with the kiddos after they spent a few hours away. Aaaaaaand, my almost 6mo ((sob)) is teething big time this week and just not happy if I put her down (poor sweet baby is asleep in the Baby Ktan right now).
So those are my excuses for not doing anything around the blog here in over a week. I DO very much want to figure out how to get a button to show up...I have to try a new code my friend sent me. And I really want to figure out how to get tabs up at the top of my blog. I found something posted online, but wow, my non-computery self just did not get it. So if anyone has any tips that would be awesome, just don't take offense if I can't figure it out, ok?
Oh, I suppose I should update on the shingles. I had pain in the same spots (on my left shoulder blade and on the left side of my chest about where the nursing clip of my nursing tank hits) for 3 or 4 days and that was that. I took garlic and nothing became of it. So thankful, I really wasn't in the mood for shingles right now! Though a few days later I was WISHING I had shingles because I woke up to my left breast swollen, red, hot, and soooo hurty. I guess I had a mild case of mastitis starting? I have no clue, in almost 8y of straight breastfeeding I've never had anything like that happen before. I have caught my 2yo chewing on his TOEnails ((ew))...I wonder if it's his fault? I've had clogged ducts before, but this didn't feel like it...though on the 2nd or 3rd night of pain, while I was nursing the 2yo, I was massaging also and felt something hard go soft, so maybe there was a clogged duct deep inside that was starting to get infected. At any rate, I'd like to share that I took garlic everyday again for that and I'm pretty sure it knocked the potential infection out.
F is for Friday!
So those are my excuses for not doing anything around the blog here in over a week. I DO very much want to figure out how to get a button to show up...I have to try a new code my friend sent me. And I really want to figure out how to get tabs up at the top of my blog. I found something posted online, but wow, my non-computery self just did not get it. So if anyone has any tips that would be awesome, just don't take offense if I can't figure it out, ok?
Oh, I suppose I should update on the shingles. I had pain in the same spots (on my left shoulder blade and on the left side of my chest about where the nursing clip of my nursing tank hits) for 3 or 4 days and that was that. I took garlic and nothing became of it. So thankful, I really wasn't in the mood for shingles right now! Though a few days later I was WISHING I had shingles because I woke up to my left breast swollen, red, hot, and soooo hurty. I guess I had a mild case of mastitis starting? I have no clue, in almost 8y of straight breastfeeding I've never had anything like that happen before. I have caught my 2yo chewing on his TOEnails ((ew))...I wonder if it's his fault? I've had clogged ducts before, but this didn't feel like it...though on the 2nd or 3rd night of pain, while I was nursing the 2yo, I was massaging also and felt something hard go soft, so maybe there was a clogged duct deep inside that was starting to get infected. At any rate, I'd like to share that I took garlic everyday again for that and I'm pretty sure it knocked the potential infection out.
F is for Friday!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Time to get my nurture on
Mondays...Mondays really have been hard lately and I don't know why. They never used to bother me, but for whatever reason, I've realized over the last several weeks that I'm mega grumpy on Mondays. I know my awesome husband has been praying extra for me on Mondays, and I'm so appreciative. I think it's partly due to being with Daddy all weekend and all of us missing him when he goes back to work.
This Monday wasn't too bad until the afternoon, and then it was just...blah. I let it get the best of me and broke a promise to myself and didn't get the living room picked up before my husband came home from work. My husband's job is loud and messy, and he's let me know that it's really hard to relax on his time off when the house is the same (or worse...which is very possible with several small children and a wife who struggles with the housekeeping part of being a sahm). I have been trying to get the living room picked up before he gets home for the past few months to bless him and serve him, but Monday I didn't even try. I just felt blah and I let it dictate my afternoon and his evening. At bedtime, as he kicked a toy he'd just stepped on, he vented his frustration a little to me. I failed him and I was sorry.
Tuesday I did a much better job picking up, but Tuesday was Monday 2.0 in its own way. Tuesday my patience appeared to be on vacation. According to my 7 year old's dictionary, patience is "the ability to remain calm when dealing with a difficult or annoying situation, task, or person". My 2 year old was deep into the "Terrible Two's" yesterday. He kept hitting and laying on his older sister and me, and tried to crawl on his baby sister. He was pushing all my buttons and he was unrelenting in it. As much as I tried, I couldn't channel Michelle Duggar (bless her for sharing her whisper instead of yell tip...if I could just manage to successfully incorporate that). I *should* have taken a time out, put my little guy in bed, and gone to pray, but I didn't. Let's just say it's a wonder that I'm not hoarse today. Not my proudest afternoon for sure.
Today is Wednesday. It's a new day. It's a chance to make reparations for the wrongs I've done. It's a day to nurture. Obviously, I plan on having the living room picked up for my awesome husband when he gets home...and hopefully the dishes too. Everything else is pretty tidy right now. I also plan to serve him in whatever way he needs or asks for this evening. For the baby, there will all the usual cuddles and carrier time and some floor time play. For my 2 year old, I've promised to go and play Thomas just as soon as I finish up here. I also plan to tickle wrestle with him later. When he gets rough, it seems to be his way of showing that he just needs some rough love and boyish affection, and I completely disregarded that yesterday. He loves to just go in the bedroom on our bed and snuggle, wrestle, and tickle. So we'll do that this afternoon sometime, probably when he starts getting grumpy and tired. For my 4 year old, we're going to do dishes together-her new favorite way to "help" and sew some headband/scarves this afternoon. Maybe we'll color together too. Quality/quantity time and affection seem to be a big need for her, and I'm not good at filling it everyday. This is an area I NEED to improve. For my 7 year old, I plan on writing a "love" note. He feels really special when he finds them and usually carries them around for a while or puts them on his shelf. I also plan to ask him more about his latest Lego creation and maybe we'll read a book together later too.
I love my family and I definitely haven't done a very good job showing it this week so far. But we are renewed each morning and I'm going to take it. All too often in our society when we have a rough day, we're told to take a day off and focus on ourselves, do something nice for ourselves, but I'm going to focus on service today, and I KNOW I'll feel better. I'll feel fulfilled, satisfied, renewed.
"22)The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
23)They are new every morning,
Great is Your faithfulness.
24)'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul,
'Therefore I have hope in Him'"
Lamentations 3:22-24
This Monday wasn't too bad until the afternoon, and then it was just...blah. I let it get the best of me and broke a promise to myself and didn't get the living room picked up before my husband came home from work. My husband's job is loud and messy, and he's let me know that it's really hard to relax on his time off when the house is the same (or worse...which is very possible with several small children and a wife who struggles with the housekeeping part of being a sahm). I have been trying to get the living room picked up before he gets home for the past few months to bless him and serve him, but Monday I didn't even try. I just felt blah and I let it dictate my afternoon and his evening. At bedtime, as he kicked a toy he'd just stepped on, he vented his frustration a little to me. I failed him and I was sorry.
Tuesday I did a much better job picking up, but Tuesday was Monday 2.0 in its own way. Tuesday my patience appeared to be on vacation. According to my 7 year old's dictionary, patience is "the ability to remain calm when dealing with a difficult or annoying situation, task, or person". My 2 year old was deep into the "Terrible Two's" yesterday. He kept hitting and laying on his older sister and me, and tried to crawl on his baby sister. He was pushing all my buttons and he was unrelenting in it. As much as I tried, I couldn't channel Michelle Duggar (bless her for sharing her whisper instead of yell tip...if I could just manage to successfully incorporate that). I *should* have taken a time out, put my little guy in bed, and gone to pray, but I didn't. Let's just say it's a wonder that I'm not hoarse today. Not my proudest afternoon for sure.
Today is Wednesday. It's a new day. It's a chance to make reparations for the wrongs I've done. It's a day to nurture. Obviously, I plan on having the living room picked up for my awesome husband when he gets home...and hopefully the dishes too. Everything else is pretty tidy right now. I also plan to serve him in whatever way he needs or asks for this evening. For the baby, there will all the usual cuddles and carrier time and some floor time play. For my 2 year old, I've promised to go and play Thomas just as soon as I finish up here. I also plan to tickle wrestle with him later. When he gets rough, it seems to be his way of showing that he just needs some rough love and boyish affection, and I completely disregarded that yesterday. He loves to just go in the bedroom on our bed and snuggle, wrestle, and tickle. So we'll do that this afternoon sometime, probably when he starts getting grumpy and tired. For my 4 year old, we're going to do dishes together-her new favorite way to "help" and sew some headband/scarves this afternoon. Maybe we'll color together too. Quality/quantity time and affection seem to be a big need for her, and I'm not good at filling it everyday. This is an area I NEED to improve. For my 7 year old, I plan on writing a "love" note. He feels really special when he finds them and usually carries them around for a while or puts them on his shelf. I also plan to ask him more about his latest Lego creation and maybe we'll read a book together later too.
I love my family and I definitely haven't done a very good job showing it this week so far. But we are renewed each morning and I'm going to take it. All too often in our society when we have a rough day, we're told to take a day off and focus on ourselves, do something nice for ourselves, but I'm going to focus on service today, and I KNOW I'll feel better. I'll feel fulfilled, satisfied, renewed.
"22)The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
23)They are new every morning,
Great is Your faithfulness.
24)'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul,
'Therefore I have hope in Him'"
Lamentations 3:22-24
Monday, June 13, 2011
Yay, I'm making a healthy choice!
Yesterday I stayed out of service at church because I had a rough morning getting to church and I was late and decided not to try and find a seat somewhere. I sat in the lobby and it actually turned out really well. I had been wanting to talk to one of the children's pastors for a while since she is the person we're closest to at church. She's really sweet and makes us feel so welcome, and she just baptised our 7 year old a week ago. I also got to talk to the other children's pastor as she was walking around checking up on things. I haven't really spent much time talking to her before and we got on the subject of my parents. "V", the first pastor knows about my family, but "D" doesn't. I told her just a little about my parents, that there was emotional, mental, and verbal abuse growing up, plus some sexual abuse from my mother. I told her how my parents hate other races and would constantly talk about black people and illegal immigrants like they aren't people and shouldn't be respected. I explained that we tried talking to them about the matter and how we didn't want our children to grow up being taught that kind of attitude. We make sure that our children know that ALL people are created in God's image, no matter how different we look, and that God thinks all of us are beautiful. But my parents would have none of it. So we took a step back out of the relationship (after asking them to go to counseling, neither of them had peachy childhoods either). I am always anxious when talking to someone from church about it...certain that someone will tell me "well, forgive and forget"...basically "let them walk on you and treat you however they want, you know, 'honor thy father and mother'" even though I know that isn't what I should be doing. But she didn't say any of that. She said "well, that sounds really healthy!". Wow. It's so nice to have confirmation in that from someone who has spent a great deal of time studying God's word. I DO have to take a step back and protect myself and my children. I don't want them growing up seeing their mom be a footstool or doormat, and I certainly don't want them growing up thinking it's ok for them to be a footstool or doormat either. I also don't want them growing up hearing the way that my parents and brother talk about different people. God made us all equal, not one of us is elevated above the other. If someday my parents take steps to get better mentally, then we'll see what happens, but until then, I'm going to keep protecting my family. It's just so nice to hear that it's healthy.
Friday, June 10, 2011
What a neat resource!
Faith on the Go
I got this on my Facebook feed a few days ago and I love these ideas! We've only done one thing so far, but we're definitely going to be doing many of these. We talked about the word patience (from #1) and the older two kids drew pictures that showed patience. My daughter drew a picture of herself "patiently" waiting for a carrot and then wrote the word "patience" as I spelled it for her. My son drew a picture of Thomas the train "patiently" waiting to cross a signal, and then wrote a sentence describing it. While they did that, I held the sleeping baby and drew whatever letter my 2 year old asked me to draw. We've been trying to talk about patience ever since, and I need to get some Bible verses for reference for them. I think today while we run errands I'll talk to them about #11 too! Have you done any of the activities from this? I'd love to hear about it.
I got this on my Facebook feed a few days ago and I love these ideas! We've only done one thing so far, but we're definitely going to be doing many of these. We talked about the word patience (from #1) and the older two kids drew pictures that showed patience. My daughter drew a picture of herself "patiently" waiting for a carrot and then wrote the word "patience" as I spelled it for her. My son drew a picture of Thomas the train "patiently" waiting to cross a signal, and then wrote a sentence describing it. While they did that, I held the sleeping baby and drew whatever letter my 2 year old asked me to draw. We've been trying to talk about patience ever since, and I need to get some Bible verses for reference for them. I think today while we run errands I'll talk to them about #11 too! Have you done any of the activities from this? I'd love to hear about it.
Just a little (a lot?) about me.
Welcome to my new blog!
My name is Jennifer. I'm a 28yo SAHM (stay-at-home-mom). I have a wonderful husband (10 years together, 8 years married!). He's just amazing...I don't know how to describe his awesomeness really. But I think he should teach classes on how to be a husband because he bats it out of the park! I'm so blessed. We have 4 kids, a son who is almost 8, a daughter who is almost 5, a 2 1/2 year old son, and a new(ish) baby girl who is 5 months old. We've also been through 4 miscarriages and we know that our babies are in Heaven rejoicing with Jesus. We long for the day that we get to meet them, and so do our children. They find it pretty exciting that they've got brothers and/or sisters in Heaven already.
I wasn't raised a Christian. Much the opposite in fact. We went to church occasionally as a kid to a strict church-strict but lax at the same time. Ritual-y I guess. I don't ever remember learning that the KEY to our salvation, our only ticket to Heaven, is a relationship with Jesus Christ, our one and only Savior. Maybe I missed it when they talked about it. By highschool, I had completely abandoned any thoughts of a God for this world. I was a vegetarian (fine for some, but it created some idol worship issues for me) and I would literally read my Bible (my aunt sent me a new one every few years) and rant and rave about the animal sacrifices. It was a huge wedge preventing a relationship with Jesus for me. A year into our relationship, my future husband and I were talking one day when I got word that a friend of mine had decided to be an athiest like me. I felt victorious, like I'd won someone over finally. I was really excited and told him so. The way he looked at me cut completely through me. I knew then that I had a real chance to lose him. I was terrified, he was the BEST thing that had happened to me. For the first time in my life, I was willing to listen to the truth about Jesus, and I did. He witnessed, and I confessed. It was like a veil was lifted from my eyes and I could finally see the TRUTH. I had been witnessed to so many times before, but it fell on deaf ears. I wasn't interested. I wish I could say that getting saved changed my life immediately, but it was a slow journey. I was locked into some really scary OCD/fear/anxiety issues at that time, but with the Lord's help I really worked through them and gave up a lot of my issues. It's always awesome to improve your mental health, and I was so grateful.
My awesome guy and I grew closer together, and we got married a little over a year after that. Unfortnuately, like I said, we weren't closely following the Lord and didn't experience an immediate transformation into...perfection (but who does?) and we conceived our oldest child 4 1/2 months before the wedding. It's always *fun* when people figure that out, so it's just best to throw it out there and avoid the looks while they try to count out the months. It's a blessing in disguise I suppose because it gives us a "hey, we did this and we want BETTER for your lives" conversation starter for when it comes time to talk the talk with the kids.
Besides being picked by this amazing guy to share his life and love forever, being a mom is the best thing ever! These kids teach me lessons on a daily basis, and being a parent has taught me so much about Jesus and how He cares for us. We made the decision right away that I would be a SAHM and have been so blessed in that respect. It was extremely tight for the first few years...I can still hear those pennies squeal, but it was so worth it. We're just now getting the ball rolling on buying a house in the next year or so. Our vehicles are both almost 20 years old, but that's all worth it to me! I've not missed out on any of my kids' firsts...it's a worthy trade-off for sure.
I wanted to make this blog because I guess I've had it "up to here" with how relationships are portrayed on tv and movies and all over. Men are constantly beaten up by their "ball-busting" wives, disrespected, put down, and treated like idiots. Women "wear the pants" in the family and are in charge of everything. They can "take care of themselves" and don't need a man to help them with anything. They seem to almost always work through their mothering years, putting their kids in daycare or hiring a nanny, I know that's exactly what happened in my house growing up. I just don't feel like the rest of us, those of us who submit willingly and lovingly to our husbands and who willingly and lovingly stay home to raise our kids ourselves are being represented. I want to encourage the women out there who aren't sure and reaffirm the women out there who already live this lifestyle. It can be lonely sometimes when everyone around you looks down on your family for living the "old-fashioned" way.
Please don't take me the wrong way and think that I'm going to be preaching at you from my pedestal. I am so far from perfect, it's not even funny (though I do wonder if sometimes in my stupidity if I make God laugh). It's a journey...one that we can't finish until Jesus comes to take us all. We'll never be perfect here in this life, but that doesn't mean that we can't make a conscious effort to try our hardest everyday. Even if all we've done is wrong and awful all day (any other moms feel like that sometimes? Raise your hand if you struggle with yelling or being too hard or soft on your kids), we can still do some good. If your kids are in bed, write them a love note (or draw a picture for the non-readers) and leave it where they can find it in the morning. Apologize as soon as you can and use the opportunity to talk about how we are all imperfect sinners and that Jesus loves us anyway. I hope that this blog will be encouragement to someone.
My name is Jennifer. I'm a 28yo SAHM (stay-at-home-mom). I have a wonderful husband (10 years together, 8 years married!). He's just amazing...I don't know how to describe his awesomeness really. But I think he should teach classes on how to be a husband because he bats it out of the park! I'm so blessed. We have 4 kids, a son who is almost 8, a daughter who is almost 5, a 2 1/2 year old son, and a new(ish) baby girl who is 5 months old. We've also been through 4 miscarriages and we know that our babies are in Heaven rejoicing with Jesus. We long for the day that we get to meet them, and so do our children. They find it pretty exciting that they've got brothers and/or sisters in Heaven already.
I wasn't raised a Christian. Much the opposite in fact. We went to church occasionally as a kid to a strict church-strict but lax at the same time. Ritual-y I guess. I don't ever remember learning that the KEY to our salvation, our only ticket to Heaven, is a relationship with Jesus Christ, our one and only Savior. Maybe I missed it when they talked about it. By highschool, I had completely abandoned any thoughts of a God for this world. I was a vegetarian (fine for some, but it created some idol worship issues for me) and I would literally read my Bible (my aunt sent me a new one every few years) and rant and rave about the animal sacrifices. It was a huge wedge preventing a relationship with Jesus for me. A year into our relationship, my future husband and I were talking one day when I got word that a friend of mine had decided to be an athiest like me. I felt victorious, like I'd won someone over finally. I was really excited and told him so. The way he looked at me cut completely through me. I knew then that I had a real chance to lose him. I was terrified, he was the BEST thing that had happened to me. For the first time in my life, I was willing to listen to the truth about Jesus, and I did. He witnessed, and I confessed. It was like a veil was lifted from my eyes and I could finally see the TRUTH. I had been witnessed to so many times before, but it fell on deaf ears. I wasn't interested. I wish I could say that getting saved changed my life immediately, but it was a slow journey. I was locked into some really scary OCD/fear/anxiety issues at that time, but with the Lord's help I really worked through them and gave up a lot of my issues. It's always awesome to improve your mental health, and I was so grateful.
My awesome guy and I grew closer together, and we got married a little over a year after that. Unfortnuately, like I said, we weren't closely following the Lord and didn't experience an immediate transformation into...perfection (but who does?) and we conceived our oldest child 4 1/2 months before the wedding. It's always *fun* when people figure that out, so it's just best to throw it out there and avoid the looks while they try to count out the months. It's a blessing in disguise I suppose because it gives us a "hey, we did this and we want BETTER for your lives" conversation starter for when it comes time to talk the talk with the kids.
Besides being picked by this amazing guy to share his life and love forever, being a mom is the best thing ever! These kids teach me lessons on a daily basis, and being a parent has taught me so much about Jesus and how He cares for us. We made the decision right away that I would be a SAHM and have been so blessed in that respect. It was extremely tight for the first few years...I can still hear those pennies squeal, but it was so worth it. We're just now getting the ball rolling on buying a house in the next year or so. Our vehicles are both almost 20 years old, but that's all worth it to me! I've not missed out on any of my kids' firsts...it's a worthy trade-off for sure.
I wanted to make this blog because I guess I've had it "up to here" with how relationships are portrayed on tv and movies and all over. Men are constantly beaten up by their "ball-busting" wives, disrespected, put down, and treated like idiots. Women "wear the pants" in the family and are in charge of everything. They can "take care of themselves" and don't need a man to help them with anything. They seem to almost always work through their mothering years, putting their kids in daycare or hiring a nanny, I know that's exactly what happened in my house growing up. I just don't feel like the rest of us, those of us who submit willingly and lovingly to our husbands and who willingly and lovingly stay home to raise our kids ourselves are being represented. I want to encourage the women out there who aren't sure and reaffirm the women out there who already live this lifestyle. It can be lonely sometimes when everyone around you looks down on your family for living the "old-fashioned" way.
Please don't take me the wrong way and think that I'm going to be preaching at you from my pedestal. I am so far from perfect, it's not even funny (though I do wonder if sometimes in my stupidity if I make God laugh). It's a journey...one that we can't finish until Jesus comes to take us all. We'll never be perfect here in this life, but that doesn't mean that we can't make a conscious effort to try our hardest everyday. Even if all we've done is wrong and awful all day (any other moms feel like that sometimes? Raise your hand if you struggle with yelling or being too hard or soft on your kids), we can still do some good. If your kids are in bed, write them a love note (or draw a picture for the non-readers) and leave it where they can find it in the morning. Apologize as soon as you can and use the opportunity to talk about how we are all imperfect sinners and that Jesus loves us anyway. I hope that this blog will be encouragement to someone.
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