On Mondays, I will be sharing a bit of media-Bible verse, song, television show, movie, cartoon, news article, blog post, anything media-ish that has inspired, convicted, or encouraged me.
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
On Tuesdays I want to make myself transparent and share something that God has been working on my life, whether it be small (like cleaning my Suburban so I'm not humiliated when I open the door at the grocery store and trash falls out) or big, like submitting to my husband on an issue that needed to be addressed for many years. You don't have to share this as many of these matters may be very private, but I encourage you to participate privately if you so choose.
1)Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness;
According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.
2)Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity
And cleanse me from my sin.
3)For I know my transgressions,
And my sin is ever before me.
4)Against You, You only, I have sinned
And done what is evil in Your sight,
So that You are justified when You speak
And blameless when You judge.
Gosh I am terrible, forgive me for not getting this done yesterday! My 6mo is teething and has gone from a VERY easy going baby to a very a clingy/cry-y baby...and my 2yo is having a rough week too! He's freshly nursed and she's asleep right now, so let's see if I can get my thoughts out.
I was reading some testimonies on Above Rubies while trying to gain some knowledge on the subject of submission. Check those out, they are so wonderful to read and very convicting. "Please Yourself, You Usually Do" had a huge impact on me. It was two fold...both in my submission to my husband, but also in my leadership over my children. Just like her, I thought I had been doing a great job submitting...let me just pat myself on the back here...but in reality, I was only submitting on the easy things. Things that weren't really a challenge to me anymore. Things that I've been willingly submitting on for years now. But there are some areas in my life that I've been letting excuses rule for far too long. Laundry comes to mind. I'm ashamed to say it, but if you just showed up at my door any given day of the week, you would see a love seat piled HIGH with clean clothes that I haven't put away. Being completely honest here, sometimes I go 2-3 WEEKS...yes weeks, not days, without putting them away. I blame it on busy-ness with 4 kids, a lack of interest in laundry, tiredness, you name it. It's just "not my fault", know what I mean? But my husband is a neat and orderly guy and I know it just drives him absolutely bonkers to look at it all.the.time. The other day he asked me to put them on the floor in the bedroom so he didn't have to look at them all the time anymore. Wow. I've just failed so big right here! So my mission right now is to submit to him in this area and do what he'd really love to see, and get those clean clothes put away in a timely fashion so our living room looks better and we can actually use that love seat.
Now for my secondary thoughts on this testimony...she said she had so robbed her husband of his place of leadership that he was reluctant and slow to take it back up when she'd submitted to him again...I feel like this is exactly what has happened with my children and I. They're just kids and kids just push boundaries and try to negotiate their way out of things...and I've really let them take over a lot of times. I just get so tired of fighting with them and standing firm that it's EASIER to just let them do whatever it is as long as no one gets hurt. But in reading the above testimony, I realized that I am not doing them one bit of good by letting them take over. I'm actually harming them. Now I'm not talking going "Nazi" on them and taking away every freedom or choice. No, I'm just talking about making my "No" a real NO and sticking to it. I've been trying diligently since I read that to impliment this...and I tell you I've already seen a difference! My 4yo especially loves to ask as she's already doing something, and when I say "no", she just continues until she's finished. And just like the woman's husband would say "Please yourself, you usually do" I'd find myself saying "why should I even bother saying no, you'll do it anyway". And boy is that wrong! I'll be honest and say that this week she's not been very fond of the new Mom who stands behind her no, but I know it will only benefit us and in time she'll find security in it. We're going to work on not doing something until asking also so that I can get a chance to actually decide if it's something I'm ok with her doing. I am hoping that this will ease my frustration too when things build up. It's really hard to maintain my cool when I'm being constantly hounded and walked on. But I'm ready to take back my position of leadership and do so graciously but firmly.
Did anyone catch "19 Kids and Counting" last week when Michelle took Josie for her big appointment? Jessa was putting Johannah down for a nap and Johannah kept getting up to plead her case (boy...when we watch Johannah she just reminds us SO much of our 4yo!). Jessa was amazing! So calm and collected and firm in her no. It was really encouraging to see. That's how I want to be.