Media Monday

On Mondays, I will be sharing a bit of media-Bible verse, song, television show, movie, cartoon, news article, blog post, anything media-ish that has inspired, convicted, or encouraged me.

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.



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Monday 7/11/11

I love this song by Joy Williams, Hide.



Lyrics

I first heard this song when I was new to Christianity. I knew that I was forgiven, but I didn't really know what all that meant, and I didn't really understand that Jesus wanted to meet me right where I was, warts and all. I saw these people at church who seemed all put together and figured out. They'd been Christians for a long time, many of them since childhood, and I felt like I couldn't be "holy" like them. We'd just gotten married AFTER getting pregnant, I'd spent many years as an outspoken athiest...I didn't feel like I would ever be good enough. I knew that Jesus would forgive me, but it just didn't connect fully. This song helped me.

"And if you feel like no one understands
Come to the One with scars on His hands
'Cause He knows where you are, where you've been
His scars will heal you if you let Him."

Just wow. Obviously I'm not saying trust everything you hear in a song, but use it as a launch-point for diving into your Bible and finding the truth.

Hebrews 10:22
Let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.

So come with me, if you're scared or unsure. Crack open that Bible and look for some love verses.

Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Wow, it's hard to believe that someone would die for me, ME, while I hated Him. And He died for you too, whether you've loved him since your earliest memories, or if you aren't sure right now. He loves YOU.

I John 4:19
We love, because He first loved us.

John 3
16)For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. 17)For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him. 18)He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

"He who believes in Him is not judged"...again, just wow! I get this "free" pass. All because Jesus loves ME. No more hiding, no more wondering if I'm good enough. No more thinking others deserve it more than me or that others are better than me. Jesus picked them, but He picked me too! And He wants you too. He wants to share His never-ending, knowledge-surpassing, all-encompassing, hurt-healing love with you.

Monday Blog Link-Up at Joy Filled Living

10 Thanks July

10 Thanks
On the 10th of each month, I plan on sharing 10 things I'm thankful for.  Big or little, new or old.

Psalm 28:7
The Lord is my strength and my shield;
My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped;
Therefore my heart exults,
And with my song I shall thank Him.



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For some reason Simply-Linked isn't working for me right now, so leave your blog link in the comments please. :)



July
1) I am thankful for the servant's heart that my 4yo daughter is growing. this morning she told me that if I wanted to sleep in next weekend that she would get up with her 2yo brother and watch him.

2) I am thankful for my A-MAZ-ING husband. God has blessed me more than I could ever have imagined with just my husband. Wow. He's incredible...possibly one of his most useful talents is his ability to talk me down from crazy (which I will talk more about on Transparent Tuesday ). He's so wise and so rational.

3) I am thankful for the opportunity to be a mother. I was told by my own mother that my chances to be a mother might be lessened from dozens of pelvic x-rays as a child. I don't know if it's true or not, but it sure did worry me.

4) I am thankful for chocolate and coffee. Silly I know, but it's a way to connect with my husband, he loves them both. I love just sitting with him and eating some chocolate-something and drinking our coffee together.

5) I am thankful for some truly awesome friends. I'm not the best at being a friend. I'm a complete and total introvert, but when we get together, it doesn't seem to matter and we can talk all day.

6) I am thankful for the area I live in. For the first time in my life, I feel like I am home. It's just a great place to live, safe, big enough, but plenty of country in and around the city too.

7) I am thankful for the internet. I can remember life without it (we didn't have internet until I was maybe 14 or 15) but I can't imagine life without the opportunities it gives me to learn now, especially as a mother and I need to be able to quickly research something.

8) I am thankful for pencils. I hate writing in pen. I NEED to be able to erase things. I'm also thankful that I'm not still in english class in 10th and 11th grade when my teachers required me to write in pen. Oh the nights spent up late re-writing an assignment because I made a mistake at the bottom of the back of a page and couldn't stand the site of the "X" through it.

9) I am thankful for my Bible. It's a MacArthur Study Bible (NASB). I've learned a ton from it. I also have a Life Application Study Bible (NIV) and a Women of Faith Bible (NLT) that I loved too.

10) I am thankful for my Jesus, who loves me no matter how awful I am, or self-loathing, or prideful. I love Him because He first loved me and I am thankful that I get to spend ALL eternity in His gracious care.

Time to get my nurture on

Mondays...Mondays really have been hard lately and I don't know why.  They never used to bother me, but for whatever reason, I've realized over the last several weeks that I'm mega grumpy on Mondays.  I know my awesome husband has been praying extra for me on Mondays, and I'm so appreciative.  I think it's partly due to being with Daddy all weekend and all of us missing him when he goes back to work. 

This Monday wasn't too bad until the afternoon, and then it was just...blah.  I let it get the best of me and broke a promise to myself and didn't get the living room picked up before my husband came home from work.  My husband's job is loud and messy, and he's let me know that it's really hard to relax on his time off when the house is the same (or worse...which is very possible with several small children and a wife who struggles with the housekeeping part of being a sahm).  I have been trying to get the living room picked up before he gets home for the past few months to bless him and serve him, but Monday I didn't even try.  I just felt blah and I let it dictate my afternoon and his evening.  At bedtime, as he kicked a toy he'd just stepped on, he vented his frustration a little to me.  I failed him and I was sorry. 

Tuesday I did a much better job picking up, but Tuesday was Monday 2.0 in its own way.  Tuesday my patience appeared to be on vacation.  According to my 7 year old's dictionary, patience is "the ability to remain calm when dealing with a difficult or annoying situation, task, or person".  My 2 year old was deep into the "Terrible Two's" yesterday.  He kept hitting and laying on his older sister and me, and tried to crawl on his baby sister.  He was pushing all my buttons and he was unrelenting in it.  As much as I tried, I couldn't channel Michelle Duggar (bless her for sharing her whisper instead of yell tip...if I could just manage to successfully incorporate that).  I *should* have taken a time out, put my little guy in bed, and gone to pray, but I didn't.  Let's just say it's a wonder that I'm not hoarse today.  Not my proudest afternoon for sure.

Today is Wednesday.  It's a new day.  It's a chance to make reparations for the wrongs I've done.  It's a day to nurture.  Obviously, I plan on having the living room picked up for my awesome husband when he gets home...and hopefully the dishes too.  Everything else is pretty tidy right now.  I also plan to serve him in whatever way he needs or asks for this evening.  For the baby, there will all the usual cuddles and carrier time and some floor time play.  For my 2 year old, I've promised to go and play Thomas just as soon as I finish up here.  I also plan to tickle wrestle with him later.  When he gets rough, it seems to be his way of showing that he just needs some rough love and boyish affection, and I completely disregarded that yesterday.  He loves to just go in the bedroom on our bed and snuggle, wrestle, and tickle.  So we'll do that this afternoon sometime, probably when he starts getting grumpy and tired.  For my 4 year old, we're going to do dishes together-her new favorite way to "help" and sew some headband/scarves this afternoon.  Maybe we'll color together too.  Quality/quantity time and affection seem to be a big need for her, and I'm not good at filling it everyday.  This is an area I NEED to improve.  For my 7 year old, I plan on writing a "love" note.  He feels really special when he finds them and usually carries them around for a while or puts them on his shelf.  I also plan to ask him more about his latest Lego creation and maybe we'll read a book together later too.

I love my family and I definitely haven't done a very good job showing it this week so far.  But we are renewed each morning and I'm going to take it.  All too often in our society when we have a rough day, we're told to take a day off and focus on ourselves, do something nice for ourselves, but I'm going to focus on service today, and I KNOW I'll feel better.  I'll feel fulfilled, satisfied, renewed.

"22)The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
23)They are new every morning,
Great is Your faithfulness.
24)'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul,
'Therefore I have hope in Him'"
Lamentations 3:22-24

Yay, I'm making a healthy choice!

Yesterday I stayed out of service at church because I had a rough morning getting to church and I was late and decided not to try and find a seat somewhere.  I sat in the lobby and it actually turned out really well.  I had been wanting to talk to one of the children's pastors for a while since she is the person we're closest to at church.  She's really sweet and makes us feel so welcome, and she just baptised our 7 year old a week ago.  I also got to talk to the other children's pastor as she was walking around checking up on things.  I haven't really spent much time talking to her before and we got on the subject of my parents.  "V", the first pastor knows about my family,  but "D" doesn't.  I told her just a little about my parents, that there was emotional, mental, and verbal abuse growing up, plus some sexual abuse from my mother.  I told her how my parents hate other races and would constantly talk about black people and illegal immigrants like they aren't people and shouldn't be respected.  I explained that we tried talking to them about the matter and how we didn't want our children to grow up being taught that kind of attitude.  We make sure that our children know that ALL people are created in God's image, no matter how different we look, and that God thinks all of us are beautiful.  But my parents would have none of it.  So we took a step back out of the relationship (after asking them to go to counseling, neither of them had peachy childhoods either).  I am always anxious when talking to someone from church about it...certain that someone will tell me "well, forgive and forget"...basically "let them walk on you and treat you however they want, you know, 'honor thy father and mother'" even though I know that isn't what I should be doing.  But she didn't say any of that.  She said "well, that sounds really healthy!".  Wow.  It's so nice to have confirmation in that from someone who has spent a great deal of time studying God's word.  I DO have to take a step back and protect myself and my children.  I don't want them growing up seeing their mom be a footstool or doormat, and I certainly don't want them growing up thinking it's ok for them to be a footstool or doormat either.  I also don't want them growing up hearing the way that my parents and brother talk about different people.  God made us all equal, not one of us is elevated above the other.  If someday my parents take steps to get better mentally, then we'll see what happens, but until then, I'm going to keep protecting my family.  It's just so nice to hear that it's healthy.

Just a little (a lot?) about me.

Welcome to my new blog! 

My name is Jennifer.  I'm a 28yo SAHM (stay-at-home-mom).  I have a wonderful husband (10 years together, 8 years married!).  He's just amazing...I don't know how to describe his awesomeness really.  But I think he should teach classes on how to be a husband because he bats it out of the park!  I'm so blessed.  We have 4 kids, a son who is almost 8, a daughter who is almost 5, a 2 1/2 year old son, and a new(ish) baby girl who is 5 months old.  We've also been through 4 miscarriages and we know that our babies are in Heaven rejoicing with Jesus.  We long for the day that we get to meet them, and so do our children.  They find it pretty exciting that they've got brothers and/or sisters in Heaven already.
I wasn't raised a Christian.  Much the opposite in fact.  We went to church occasionally as a kid to a strict church-strict but lax at the same time.  Ritual-y I guess.  I don't ever remember learning that the KEY to our salvation, our only ticket to Heaven, is a relationship with Jesus Christ, our one and only Savior.  Maybe I missed it when they talked about it.  By highschool, I had completely abandoned any thoughts of a God for this world.  I was a vegetarian (fine for some, but it created some idol worship issues for me) and I would literally read my Bible (my aunt sent me a new one every few years) and rant and rave about the animal sacrifices.  It was a huge wedge preventing a relationship with Jesus for me.  A year into our relationship, my future husband and I were talking one day when I got word that a friend of mine had decided to be an athiest like me.  I felt victorious, like I'd won someone over finally.  I was really excited and told him so.  The way he looked at me cut completely through me.  I knew then that I had a real chance to lose him.  I was terrified, he was the BEST thing that had happened to me.  For the first time in my life, I was willing to listen to the truth about Jesus, and I did.  He witnessed, and I confessed.  It was like a veil was lifted from my eyes and I could finally see the TRUTH.  I had been witnessed to so many times before, but it fell on deaf ears.  I wasn't interested.  I wish I could say that getting saved changed my life immediately, but it was a slow journey.  I was locked into some really scary OCD/fear/anxiety issues at that time, but with the Lord's help I really worked through them and gave up a lot of my issues.  It's always awesome to improve your mental health, and I was so grateful.
My awesome guy and I grew closer together, and we got married a little over a year after that.  Unfortnuately, like I said, we weren't closely following the Lord and didn't experience an immediate transformation into...perfection (but who does?) and we conceived our oldest child 4 1/2 months before the wedding.  It's always *fun* when people figure that out, so it's just best to throw it out there and avoid the looks while they try to count out the months.  It's a blessing in disguise I suppose because it gives us a "hey, we did this and we want BETTER for your lives" conversation starter for when it comes time to talk the talk with the kids.
Besides being picked by this amazing guy to share his life and love forever, being a mom is the best thing ever!  These kids teach me lessons on a daily basis, and being a parent has taught me so much about Jesus and how He cares for us.  We made the decision right away that I would be a SAHM and have been so blessed in that respect.  It was extremely tight for the first few years...I can still hear those pennies squeal, but it was so worth it.  We're just now getting the ball rolling on buying a house in the next year or so.  Our vehicles are both almost 20 years old, but that's all worth it to me!  I've not missed out on any of my kids' firsts...it's a worthy trade-off for sure.

I wanted to make this blog because I guess I've had it "up to here" with how relationships are portrayed on tv and movies and all over.  Men are constantly beaten up by their "ball-busting" wives, disrespected, put down, and treated like idiots.  Women "wear the pants" in the family and are in charge of everything.  They can "take care of themselves" and don't need a man to help them with anything.  They seem to almost always work through their mothering years, putting their kids in daycare or hiring a nanny, I know that's exactly what happened in my house growing up.  I just don't feel like the rest of us, those of us who submit willingly and lovingly to our husbands and who willingly and lovingly stay home to raise our kids ourselves are being represented.  I want to encourage the women out there who aren't sure and reaffirm the women out there who already live this lifestyle.  It can be lonely sometimes when everyone around you looks down on your family for living the "old-fashioned" way.

Please don't take me the wrong way and think that I'm going to be preaching at you from my pedestal.  I am so far from perfect, it's not even funny (though I do wonder if sometimes in my stupidity if I make God laugh).  It's a journey...one that we can't finish until Jesus comes to take us all.  We'll never be perfect here in this life, but that doesn't mean that we can't make a conscious effort to try our hardest everyday.  Even if all we've done is wrong and awful all day (any other moms feel like that sometimes?  Raise your hand if you struggle with yelling or being too hard or soft on your kids), we can still do some good.  If your kids are in bed, write them a love note (or draw a picture for the non-readers) and leave it where they can find it in the morning.  Apologize as soon as you can and use the opportunity to talk about how we are all imperfect sinners and that Jesus loves us anyway.  I hope that this blog will be encouragement to someone.