Monday, June 13, 2011

Yay, I'm making a healthy choice!

Yesterday I stayed out of service at church because I had a rough morning getting to church and I was late and decided not to try and find a seat somewhere.  I sat in the lobby and it actually turned out really well.  I had been wanting to talk to one of the children's pastors for a while since she is the person we're closest to at church.  She's really sweet and makes us feel so welcome, and she just baptised our 7 year old a week ago.  I also got to talk to the other children's pastor as she was walking around checking up on things.  I haven't really spent much time talking to her before and we got on the subject of my parents.  "V", the first pastor knows about my family,  but "D" doesn't.  I told her just a little about my parents, that there was emotional, mental, and verbal abuse growing up, plus some sexual abuse from my mother.  I told her how my parents hate other races and would constantly talk about black people and illegal immigrants like they aren't people and shouldn't be respected.  I explained that we tried talking to them about the matter and how we didn't want our children to grow up being taught that kind of attitude.  We make sure that our children know that ALL people are created in God's image, no matter how different we look, and that God thinks all of us are beautiful.  But my parents would have none of it.  So we took a step back out of the relationship (after asking them to go to counseling, neither of them had peachy childhoods either).  I am always anxious when talking to someone from church about it...certain that someone will tell me "well, forgive and forget"...basically "let them walk on you and treat you however they want, you know, 'honor thy father and mother'" even though I know that isn't what I should be doing.  But she didn't say any of that.  She said "well, that sounds really healthy!".  Wow.  It's so nice to have confirmation in that from someone who has spent a great deal of time studying God's word.  I DO have to take a step back and protect myself and my children.  I don't want them growing up seeing their mom be a footstool or doormat, and I certainly don't want them growing up thinking it's ok for them to be a footstool or doormat either.  I also don't want them growing up hearing the way that my parents and brother talk about different people.  God made us all equal, not one of us is elevated above the other.  If someday my parents take steps to get better mentally, then we'll see what happens, but until then, I'm going to keep protecting my family.  It's just so nice to hear that it's healthy.

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